Memory of an Elephant

*Discalimer* This blog entry is a little bit all over the place *Disclaimer*

Isaiah 41:9-10

God is speaking to Israel and says : "I have called you back from the ends of the earth saying "You are my servant." For I have chosen you and will not throw you away.

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will hold you up with my victorious hand."

Aren't the Lord's promises so beautiful. 

It's hard to fathom a God so big speaking to us in such a personal way. It's hard to believe that will all the negativity in this world,  such a God may truly exist.

This is when faith comes in. Believing in what we don't see. Faith….such a big word! 

It's hard to believe when we don't understand. It is, however, the only thing we can hold on to in this day and age.

As I read this passage, my mind and heart goes to Jill Haskins, one of my sister's great friends who, to put in simple words, has gone through much more than I could ever bear.

A couple of years ago, Jill and her husband Shane were blessed with the birth of baby Joshua. They found out baby Joshua had a congenital heart disease and through 51 days of fighting and prayer, he passed.

She has been so strong through it all with the support of her husband, friends, family, and most importantly God. She's overcome such a tragedy and turned it into something beautiful. She started a small business by making dolls (Joshie Dolls) that were created to honor the lives of the children who are born with CHD. The dolls are personalized to represent children that have been affected by CHD and also to bring remembrance and hope to families that have felt the hurt and struggles that come with CHD.

Oh the bravery of having that daily reminder.

Despite her courage and strength, two years ago intactivists had been sending her hate mails and attacking her website accusing her of killing her own son. How awful are humans? Seriously! They had started the attacks again a week ago. After all she has gone through, you would think she would get a break, and yet this happens. This only makes her a tougher mother, a fiercer woman, and a stronger believer.

Please keep her in your prayers as we remember the promises God has in such times. Also check out her blog http:/fierceandfiesty.blogspot.com/ and the Facebook page for Joshie Dolls. You will understand her story and vision much better than the way I just described it.

I have a lot of respect for Jill for many reasons. In contrast to this working mother of three who is going through all of that, I feel as if I am quite the opposite.

I can be viewed as strong, independent, and adventurous but I'll let you in on a little secret of mine. I am one of the laziest people you will ever meet.

It's a confession that I am not proud of, but it is a fact. Let me clarify something though. If you give me a job to do, I will do it hard, but it's when I have nothing to do, no expectations to be met, that you will most likely find me laying around much like a cat would. I won't initiate much of anything and unfortunately I easily settle for complacency. Maybe I'm being hard on myself, but that's the way I see it.

That being said, I tried coming up with various reasons as to why I'm so lazy. I didn't grow around lazy people. That is most definitely not the way I was educated. I believe I haven't always been this lazy. So how did I become this way?

Well, God whispered it in my ear this morning as I was reading a devotional from Bob Gass. 

FEAR.

My laziness is rooted in something much deeper than what it is. I have become lazy due to fear. I have lost confidence in who I am, and what I can become. I am deeply afraid of failure. I am terrified of getting up, trying something new, and being ridiculed for it. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm scared of not being good enough. I am paralyzed by the thought of giving my all and receiving nothing in return.

I think it's easier for me to admit that I'm lazy as opposed to facing the fact that I'm afraid.

Do you ever wonder where the expression "memory of an elephant" came from? Perhaps you already know, but in the case that you don't here goes a little insight on the training of elephants.

When elephants are young, they are tied to huge tree trunks as they haven't reached their full strength. They try to escape, they fight, they repeatedly try to get away and yet cannot because they are restrained by a cord tied to a tree trunk.

Now why is it that once they grow big and strong, they don't destroy the tree they are tied to since they have all the power and might to do so?

Because they remember their multiple failed attempts to escape when they were younger and don't even think about trying again. In fact, most times they aren't even tied to a tree anymore, they just have a cord around their legs and this cord forever reminds them of their past struggles.

And that is where the saying "you have the memory of an elephant" comes from.

Why am I sharing this? Because we aren't that much different from elephants. We, as humans, are often scarred by our negative past experiences and can easily give up due to a fear of returning to these experiences that affected us so deeply.

We allow fear to paralyze us and keep us from moving forward.

As I was reading about this, this morning, the song "Sure Looks Good To Me" by Alicia Keys was playing in the background and I couldn't help but relate the lyrics with what I was reading and how I was feeling.

"The darkness comes and I've been telling my soul that me and myself we turn around, we're getting old.

But the lightning crashes, foolish emotions from the bruises and the beauty in this moment that we're feeling.

And I feel like I'm seeing the world inside of me, but I can tell you that I know, it's getting easier to breathe.

There's a cold in the  morning, endless equation of who we've become, its a complex situation so live, love life, give love. Live, love life, give love cus who are we anyways?

So don't rain on my parade, life's to short to waste one day, I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall. It sure looks good to me."

Life is complex. Even God is complex. But it's life and we are to love it and live it fearless in His name. Let's risk it all and have this freedom to fall because life is to short to waste a single day.

Jill's story is one out of thousands that cause us to ask that pending question "Why God, why?" But God allowed Jill's pain to turn into hope for others. She chose not to waste a single day by listening to God's promises. "You are my servant, for I have chosen you and will not throw you away."

Jill could've been like an elephant and allowed the memory of bruises and scars from her past to keep her from moving forward and yet she doesn't. She allows God to continue to strengthen her to do even more.

I look up to her, for I wish my elephant's memory wouldn't allow my past failures to keep me from achieving my dreams and goals. I wish I would cut the ropes that are keeping me from experiencing the freedom to fall. I wish I could fully trust in God's promises to me.

God is more powerful than our struggles, fears, and past experiences. He promises to strengthen us. He says "Don't be afraid, for I am with you."

Thank you God for your promises and please give us the faith to continue to hold on to the hope they bring into our lives.