Hello friends :)
I haven't blogged for far to long, for a few reasons....they're all silly excuses though so there's no point in sharing. I guess in all reality I just haven't taken the time or had the motivation to do so.
I'm sitting in my room on a lovely summer day during one of my weeks off and felt the need to share a bit of what's going on in my life.
To be honest with you not a whole lot that you don't already know about (through my facebook pictures and posts).
I am, however, going through struggles and absolutely would welcome your prayers upon me. I am going through family issues that don't necessarily affect me personally but that are still very hard to watch unfold so please keep my family in your prayers.
Basically since the last time I've blogged, I've been able to work on the boat every other week, I've been able to see Jeremy, my sister, and an old friend whom I hadn't seen in over 2 years :)
I've been able to build new friendships and relationships, which has been such a blessing to me and I can't express how grateful I am towards God for providing me with that.
I've been able to do two photo shoots (which isn't much, but still something), and I've been able to discover a bit more of the town that I live in :)
Other than that, nothing to new is going on.
The contract with my job ends mid october, which means I'll be looking for a plane ticket to go back to the US to visit for a little bit.
I miss everyone so bad and I'm going back through that question of "why am I here God?" or "what's next?"
I haven't been spending as much time with the Lord as I'd like to be and that plus not having a Christian community around me has been very hard. Trying to find the balance between spending time with new friendships and sharing who Christ is in my life has been hard as well.
God's been challenging me with loving people as well. God has allowed my personality and confidence to evolve and I am grateful for that, but I do sometimes feel useless to Him and that's been hard.
Anywho, I definitely go through that reminiscing phase a lot and those times always bring me down, because everything I want is somewhere else and I am trying really hard to "embrace the new" as I'd blogged about a few months ago, but sometimes it's just to hard.
I feel like I'm wining and complaining :( When I look at where I am, who I'm surrounded by, and what I do, I really have NO reason to complain...but it does feel good to let it out sometimes so I appreciate your patience with me through this.
I read through an old journal and came across a poem that a dear friend I miss a lot who was a part of my Huntington community wrote for/about me and it made me tear up. I then read the journal post in which the poem had been put and felt like sharing it...I think it was God's way of encouraging me and reminding me that he hasn't forgotten me...maybe I'm the one forgetting him....
The poem:
Smile as bright as sunshine on a face as beautiful as an opening rose
Her heart full of joy and compassion
Her words although sometimes sharp like a bee sting, are filled with love and truth
She has walked a road different from anyone I know
She is bold and confident
Where the Lord will take her nest, on one really knows
But a true blessing she will be where she goes
I needed to read that. It reminds me of the way that God created me and that He does want to use me just the way I am, but I just need to allow Him to guide me and focus more on him.
The journal entry:
(April 16th, 2011 at the 509)
Luke 6:40-49
The Lord hasn't changed and never will. After so many years. Thousands of years. We are left at the cross completely puzzled and confused as to how we got here and why we are here. When Jesus was asked questions by his followers/disciples, He would never answer directly, always using parables.
This passage we are studying is completely full of parables and praise be to the Lord for giving us His Holy Spirit to decipher the codes and messages in His word.
Why can't the Lord just answer us normally and directly? Because he is so in love with us that He deeply longs for a relationship with each of us individually, meaning before He answers, He wants us to wholeheartedly seek him in humility so we may converse about different ideas.
These parables at the time were spoken manly to the Pharisees and Sadduccees, who were religious perfectionists. They got so lost on their focusing on the law and perfecting their lifestyle that they forgot to leave room for God to do some work in their lives and through this lack of open-mindedness, they unfortunately were unable to give any glory to God while missing out on the most beautiful relationship of all times.
"They focused so hard on cleaning the windows, that they forgot to see the view."
Unfortunately, we can all somewhat relate to that. We basically just need a healthy balance. One in which we don't neglect the righteous just law that God provided us with to remind us of our sinful nature, yet at the same tie remember that as humans, we aren't and never will be perfect, which is when Christ comes in,
We need to leave room for grace without putting so much pressure on ourselves to be so freaking perfect.
God seeks a beautiful balance for us in order to give Him the glory through the renewal and transforming of our hearts and minds. When we lose sight of this balance, we become blind and can no longer be used by Him to lead each other.
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Thanks again for taking the time to read my rambling thoughts and accompanying me through this journey; one, as my friend mentioned in her poem, that I have no idea where it will lead. But hey, who really knows where their journey is leading them....that's the beauty of life, isn't it?
love,
DJO
ps I think I'm losing some of my English so apologies on any grammatical errors.... :/
