Airport bloggin'

I am sitting here at the airport basically feeling like crap. I’m exhausted. I’m scared. I’m sad. I’m kind of frustrated at God and sitting next to a guy who smells horrible. I know most of these feelings will pass, but as of now, that is exactly how I feel and I’m not ashamed to express it.

I just said so many goodbyes (for the second time this year) and just parted ways with my best friend/the love of my life, Jeremy, and I do not understand why this needed to happen.

I know God is compassionate and has a reason for having me go through while having my best interest in mind. I also know there is a reason for  bringing me in and out of Huntington like He did. I’m currently trying to cope with the fact that he is taking me away from this place that He’s used to shape and mold me through so many experiences and people. I’m also attempting to be optimistic.

I have found things to look forward to as I head to France. Things such as French bread. Meeting my niece and seeing my bro, sis in law, and nephew again. Rekindling the flames of old friendships. Using my new camera to take pictures of a refreshingly new environment. Growing closer to the Lord. Meeting new people and having an impact on their lives while they impact mine. "Relearning" French. Not living out of suitcase anymore. The possibility of working again at last. And so much more.

I understand that God has a gréât plan for this life He’s given me, I just wish I could get a break sometimes and just settle down somewhere  for longer than just a few months, but then again this is not how the Lord created me. I am trying to find equilibrium though. A simple balance between my selfish human nature and embracing the way the Lord is able to use this human mess of mine and turn it into something glorious and beautiful. I selfishly just want to be with the people I love and live an easy, fun life. But God wants me to continue to grow while challenging me through these journeys.

And yet again everything in life is all bout the way that you look at it. I say this because so many people "envy" me for moving to France, and as I try to appreciate this new adventure, I am also attempting to hold on to the hope of not losing the people that are currently in my life, that I cherish so much through the, distance.

Perspectives are so interesting to me.

I bought a new camera about 2 weeks ago. A camera I’ve been wanting for years. Of course I wait till I’m the most broke to purchase it, but I love it. So excited about it. I’m still Learning a lot from it and hopefully will get comfortable with it enough to take legit photo shoots.

I went on a walk the day that I finally got it in the mail to play around with it. As I was snapping photos left and right, I eventually felt extremely discouraged. I wasn’t patient enough with it, and wasn’t understanding some of the settings. It’s one thing to have that eye for an great shot, but it’s a whole other thing to be able to become one with your camera and know the Relationship between all the settings so well that you don’t even have to think twice before knowing exactly what to do in order to get your photo to turn out exactly the way you want it to, leaving you with minimum amount of editing left to do to later.

I was standing in front of a gorgeous scenery, and yet still wasn’t able to capture anything to my liking. I finally sat down and just took a break from it all. I talked to God for a little bit. He told me to Be still and know that He is God and that He was right there.  I listened to Him some more, and out of nowhere the sun came out and led me to look at my scenery again, from a different angle. I was sitting down this time, and there it was. I don’t know how to explain it, but I grabbed my camera as this rush of creativity hit me and started shooting and got this :

Be Still and Know that I am God
Psalm 46:10

All I had to do was sit down, and look at my scenery from a different perspective to catch what I needed/wanted.

Life is like looking through the lens of a camera, if you shift your angle view or perspective, you can see life in a completely different light.

I am trying to look at this adventure from a different angle. Not from the grumpy, sad, hopeless angle of my missing my friends and having to leave my comfortable lifestyle behind ; but instead looking at it from the angle of everyone else who seems so envious of my new journey in France, or wherever the Lord ends up taking me.

As of now, I do not have any plans in case you were all wondering. I am staying with family friends to start out and will look for work in Paris, while keeping an eye out for nannying opportunities in other countries.

As far as Jeremy is concerned, we are viewing this long distance as an opportunity to strenghthen our Relationship in a way that we can learn to better communicate with each other while continuing to learn from each other.

For those of you who know him, you know what a Bright light he is to whomever he comes in contact with. I pray and hope that this light continues to affect many more people in the midst of this sad chapter in our lives. I miss him so much already. We parted teary eyed and hopeful. Please keep us in your prayers.

May the Lord bless each and every one of you and I trust that you will have an excellent new year 2012 !

Blessings,

Do