Acceptance

Greetings from Goshen,

Exactly a year ago, I was probably sitting in this exact same spot attempting to prepare myself for a completely unknown new beginning in my life.
In year 2011, I'd gone through so much that I found it impossible to understand the purpose God had in mind. I didn't know where I'd end up, who would still be in my life, or what I'd be doing. Here I am, thinking back to all I've gone through and yet feel as if not a whole lot has changed.

Since then, I've moved to France, lived with brother & sister in law & and the kiddos, worked on a boat, made a lot of great new friends, done some traveling here and there, and have gotten possibly two photography gigs.

I arrived to the States about a month and a half ago and have been loving the possibility of drinking yummy flavored coffee whenever I want, speaking more frequently to friends, hanging out with my amazing boyfriend, spending quality time with my sister, going to the 509 community, enjoying sunny/cool fall days, sleeping in on most days, feeling the spirit of the Holidays, and eating really bad for you but deliciously good food.
Many people were surprised when they saw me. Some thought I might've came for a short visit, others thought (think) I was/am here to stay, while some probably don't even know that I'm back. Many ask me "what are you doing here?" lol

Well as expected, I've missed it here and decided to spend the Holidays with loved ones. I got a winter break (a long one that is) from work and decided to come here. I am so happy I did. As much as I've loved doing all of those things I mentioned earlier, I've also had a lot of time to think.

I guess that last time I was here, I left with expectations and I've also come back with some. I don't know when I'll learn not to have expectations but it is the way I am I suppose.

I left thinking I'd go through a life change and do so much growing both in my passions and spiritually.
I came back thinking I'd be spending all of this time with all of these friends and sharing everything I've gone through since I last left.
Well neither has happened. Despite all of the fun I've had in France, I don't feel as if my passions or my relationship with God have grown since I've left nor have I been able to spend as much time as I'd anticipated with that many friends while being here (which I totally understand, since people do have lives lol).

I have learned to accept the latter, but find it hard to accept the former.

The few opportunities that I've gotten to meet up with friends, I've been able to share a bit about what I do in France, talk about my little life, new friends and different things I've gone through. In exchange I've heard about what God's done in my friend's lives within the past year. So many changes, so much growth, such amazing stories, and yet here I am feeling the same as I did a year ago.

I catch myself saying "I did this, I did that, I've gone here, I've gone there, I've gone through this, I've gone through that," while hearing others say "God's done this, God's done that, God's taken me here, God's taken me there."

It's amazing how much one can do but when they leave God out of it, it is completely pointless. It sums up to nothing.

Many conversations I've had end up being about how crazy life is and how we totally didn't expect to be where we'd be at at this point in our lives. The only difference is that my friends not only have accepted where they are at in life, but they've been able to embrace it. Hence their thrive for life, and joy through their passions.
My problem is that I either stay stuck in the past or compare myself to others. I see people's passions growing, I see their lives moving forward, and I unfortunately find myself in this continuous wheel of comparison, self-doubt, and confusion.

This is why God cannot use me or help me grow... and I am learning more and more to not only accept where He has put me but to embrace it and be a blessing through it.

1 Tim 6:6-11 is a great reminder of this.

"Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can't take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content."

Despite all these thoughts and feelings, I am so so happy to be back while I am here and am trying to make the most of my time here. I also hope this helps me better appreciate my time in France when I go back and hopefully I can make the most of it both at work and at home.

Only God knows what's in store for me, and I just need to embrace this life He has blessed me with and the people He has put along my path. May I fully enjoy this journey I'm in.

Peace,
DJO

Reminiscing

Hello friends :)

I haven't blogged for far to long, for a few reasons....they're all silly excuses though so there's no point in sharing. I guess in all reality I just haven't taken the time or had the motivation to do so.

I'm sitting in my room on a lovely summer day during one of my weeks off and felt the need to share a bit of what's going on in my life.

To be honest with you not a whole lot that you don't already know about (through my facebook pictures and posts).

I am, however, going through struggles and absolutely would welcome your prayers upon me. I am going through family issues that don't necessarily affect me personally but that are still very hard to watch unfold so please keep my family in your prayers.

Basically since the last time I've blogged, I've been able to work on the boat every other week, I've been able to see Jeremy, my sister, and an old friend whom I hadn't seen in over 2 years :)

I've been able to build new friendships and relationships, which has been such a blessing to me and I can't express how grateful I am towards God for providing me with that.

I've been able to do two photo shoots (which isn't much, but still something), and I've been able to discover a bit more of the town that I live in :)

Other than that, nothing to new is going on.

The contract with my job ends mid october, which means I'll be looking for a plane ticket to go back to the US to visit for a little bit.

I miss everyone so bad and I'm going back through that question of "why am I here God?" or "what's next?"

I haven't been spending as much time with the Lord as I'd like to be and that plus not having a Christian community around me has been very hard. Trying to find the balance between spending time with new friendships and sharing who Christ is in my life has been hard as well.
God's been challenging me with loving people as well. God has allowed my personality and confidence to evolve and I am grateful for that, but I do sometimes feel useless to Him and that's been hard.

Anywho, I definitely go through that reminiscing phase a lot and those times always bring me down, because everything I want is somewhere else and I am trying really hard to "embrace the new" as I'd blogged about a few months ago, but sometimes it's just to hard.
I feel like I'm wining and complaining :( When I look at where I am, who I'm surrounded by, and what I do, I really have NO reason to complain...but it does feel good to let it out sometimes so I appreciate your patience with me through this.

I read through an old journal and came across a poem that a dear friend I miss a lot who was a part of my Huntington community wrote for/about me and it made me tear up. I then read the journal post in which the poem had been put and felt like sharing it...I think it was God's way of encouraging me and reminding me that he hasn't forgotten me...maybe I'm the one forgetting him....

The poem:

Smile as bright as sunshine on a face as beautiful as an opening rose
Her heart full of joy and compassion
Her words although sometimes sharp like a bee sting, are filled with love and truth
She has walked a road different from anyone I know
She is bold and confident
Where the Lord will take her nest, on one really knows
But a true blessing she will be where she goes

I needed to read that. It reminds me of the way that God created me and that He does want to use me just the way I am, but I just need to allow Him to guide me and focus more on him.

The journal entry:

(April 16th, 2011 at the 509)

Luke 6:40-49

The Lord hasn't changed and never will. After so many years. Thousands of years. We are left at the cross completely puzzled and confused as to how we got here and why we are here. When Jesus was asked questions by his followers/disciples, He would never answer directly, always using parables.
This passage we are studying is completely full of parables and praise be to the Lord for giving us His Holy Spirit to decipher the codes and messages in His word.

Why can't the Lord just answer us normally and directly? Because he is so in love with us that He deeply longs for a relationship with each of us individually, meaning before He answers, He wants us to wholeheartedly seek him in humility so we may converse about different ideas.

These parables at the time were spoken manly to the Pharisees and Sadduccees, who were religious perfectionists. They got so lost on their focusing on the law and perfecting their lifestyle that they forgot to leave room for God to do some work in their lives and through this lack of open-mindedness, they unfortunately were unable to give any glory to God while missing out on the most beautiful relationship of all times.

"They focused so hard on cleaning the windows, that they forgot to see the view."

Unfortunately, we can all somewhat relate to that. We basically just need a healthy balance. One in which we don't neglect the righteous just law that God provided us with to remind us of our sinful nature, yet at the same tie remember that as humans, we aren't and never will be perfect, which is when Christ comes in,
We need to leave room for grace without putting so much pressure on ourselves to be so freaking perfect.
God seeks a beautiful balance for us in order to give Him the glory through the renewal and transforming of our hearts and minds. When we lose sight of this balance, we become blind and can no longer be used by Him to lead each other.


_________________________________________________________________________________


Thanks again for taking the time to read my rambling thoughts and accompanying me through this journey; one, as my friend mentioned in her poem, that I have no idea where it will lead. But hey, who really knows where their journey is leading them....that's the beauty of life, isn't it?

love,

DJO

ps I think I'm losing some of my English so apologies on any grammatical errors.... :/

Sunday Mornings

Sunday Mornings.

They are challenging for me for various reasons. For one, I haven't found a Church community here that I feel like I belong to nor do I feel like I can add anything to. I have a hard time with the worship for different reasons, and I basically can never focus for another list of reasons I'd prefer to keep to myself. I also haven't felt like I've gotten anything much out of the community that I've been attending since I have arrived in Saint Malo.

Sidenote:
While talking about this with my mother, she said something that struck me. "You might not be getting anything out of this community, but what do you have to offer it?" I responded "nothing!"
Well that was quite a selfish response now that I look back at it. She was right, being a part of a Church community is always about taking and giving. If everyone decides to give, then no one will take anything, because they'll be so focused on always giving, that they might not themselves grow. If everyone is trying to take from the experience, than who will be there to give?
I tend to do that a lot, and it's a problem I think the Lord is giving me a second (third, fourth etc...) chance to tackle while being here.

Well another issue for me is that I simply miss the 509 community. Back in Huntington, I would wake up excited about sunday mornings, because I knew I'd be going to a service with familiar faces (that eventually became a family to me) and also be able to enrich my spiritual life through the teachings. The worship was also phenomenal. Everything about my 509 experience on sunday mornings and throughout the week was something to look forward to, and I guess I just miss that.
I do need to remind myself that it took me a solid two and half years to come to that point at the 509. Such relations aren't established overnight, but it's still quite a struggle. I almost need to force myself out of bed on sunday mornings, and I don't think that's a good thing. It's frustrating.

So on mornings such as this one, where I had no motivation to go worship in a setting of discomfort, I decided to do what I usually do on these types of mornings, and go on the 509 website to listen to a 509 sermon.

I know the 509 community isn't necessarily for everyone, but it is and has been to me a source of enrichment, growth, challenge, and hospitality. For this reason I encourage anyone in Huntington or surrounding areas who have yet to find a Church Community that they feel they can relate to or take from or give to, to check it out!! :)

The sermon I listened to this morning was taught by Allie Brown and was focused on Luke 18:35-43. It is about the bling beggar who asks Jesus for his sight and even though everyone discourages him to "bother" the Savior, Jesus hears him and restores his sight while telling him his faith has healed him.
Allie brings many good points (such as the fact that we ourselves are often blinded by the world that surrounds us, which can easily deprive us from the sight of God's Kingdom at work in our lives and the lives of those around us) and I think anyone could learn from this teaching.

Here is the link to the website:

www.509community.com

Here is the link to all the sermons: (This one is the one from Sunday, Feb 26th)

http://509community.com/audio/audiolist.php?category=0

I really hope you check this out, and hope you are as encouraged by it as I was. Lots of good stuff in here.

Thanks, blessings, and have a great rest of the day/night :)

Dorina

STOP KONY 2012

Hello world,

Here's the deal, there isn't much more to say about this than the video already says, but some of you might not want to spend 30 minutes out of your day to watch the video Koney2012 so I will briefly explain what its goal is in hopes that you will feel the conviction to share the video to bring more awareness on this issue.

First things first.

Who is Kony?

He is basically the African Hitler. The worst of the worst. He abducts children and uses them to build an army of rebels to kill their own families, even their parents! He steals little girls and uses them as sex slaves. He's abducted over 30,000 kids and is ruining the future of this generation. This affects each and every single one of us.
He has been charged for war crimes by the International Criminal Court in 2005, but unfortunately was able to escape. Most people don't even know he exists and yet he is impacting the entire world in a very negative manner, so we are fighting to "make Joseph Kony famous, not to celebrate him, but to raise support for his arrest and set a precedent for international justice."

I have a friend who's been personally affected by all of this. She's seen most of her family get killed and is now suffering the consequences of this man's actions by working her butt off in the US to provide for the rest of her family. She is 22 and has the mindset of a 40 year old who is constantly focused on providing for their family and she can't even enjoy life.
She's lost the belief that there is even a God out there due to all she's gone through.

Let's please put a stop to this.

This video is very well made, I mean REALLY well made and the 30 minutes feel like 30 seconds, so click on this link for more information about what Invisible Children is doing to stop this and find Kony, and see how YOU can help put an end to this tragedy.

Here is the video, in case you are interested. If you aren't interesting in watching it or don't have time but still feel like you'd like to make a difference, go to www.invisiblechildren.com and sign a pledge to share this video and bring awareness to this mission we have as human beings to find Kony and arrest him.

You can make a difference. We can all make a difference by joining towards one purpose and goal. Let that purpose be peace for all humanity...one country at a time.

Let's begin today.

"I object to violence because when it appears to do good the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." 
-- Mohandas K. Gandhi

"If the human race wishes to have a prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity, they only got to behave in a peaceful and helpful way toward one another."
-- Winston Churchill
"I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it."

-- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Job offer!!

Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well what an exciting day for me :) I just got the long awaited phone call from Tracy the British lady I interviewed with last week who offered me a job as a stewardess with Condor Ferries!!!
I feel like it's to good to be true and am waiting for the catch. I don't think there is going to be a catch to this though, I think this is it. After not having worked for a year 1/2, I am finally going to work again. I am so excited!!!

Funny thing is I read something very encouraging yesterday and was planning on blogging about it today anyway.

So as I've mentioned earlier, I've been working really hard to find work here. I spent the first 3 weeks immersed in paper work and all the headaches that come with it. You see even though I'm French, I didn't have a lot of the rights since I've never lived here. It's as if I didn't exist in their system, so in order to get started, I had to fill out a lot of applications.

Once that was taken care, I had to focus on a job target, which I decided would be tourism/receptionist. Once that was done, I had to redo my resume and type out many different cover letters. Once that was done, I mailed them out, went to hotels to drop them off, went to different agencies that help you find work to fill out applications, etc etc...
I even sat in a room full of 50 or more applicants for over 2 hours waiting for one interview for a hotel receptionist at a 4 star hotel.
I also went to a meeting in order to get paid waitressing/receptionist training and took some tests to see if I could enter the official training and be hired by a 5 star hotel. I went to an all day job fair in a town an hour away from where I live. I got a job mentor, and a job counselor to help me along the way. I did mock interviews. I mean I tried it all. God gave me energy and motivation for a solid month and my sister in law to help out along the way.

It was an intense journey. I hated every single part of it. When I finally got this phone call for an interview, my hopes were up because this whole time I thought I hadn't been contacted due to lack of experience (which is a fact since it was the correlating point to all of my rejection letters).

So Condor Ferries, a mini cruise boat that goes to "paradise British Islands" off the coast of France on a daily basis, contacted me for an interview two weeks ago. I got the interview last week and it went above and beyond my expectations. I mean it was unreal. The interview was both in French and English and done by two extremely welcoming ladies, which immediately put me at ease.
The interview went well, and while waiting for my brother to pick me up, one of the ladies came out and grabbed me by the waist and invited me back into the office for coffee. I comfortably sat down with my soon to be bosses over a cup of coffee and we chit chatted until their following interviewee arrived.

I felt great and confident following that. I mean what an amazing environment to work in right?? Work on a boat as a stewardess. haha. It sounds kind of crazy fun!

So I want to talk to you a little bit about my frustrations/experiences/thoughts along this journey.

First of all, I had no idea I would end up in this cute little town called Saint Malo. I mean the Lord totally orchestrated that! Originally, as you all know, I was planning on living with family friends in Paris. I sort of wasted a week while being there mainly because of jet lag and lack of motivation to start the job searching process. I love the girls I lived with, in fact we still call each other to keep in touch; but unfortunately because they each already had lives prior to my arrival, they couldn't help me out with this long paperwork process and I didn't know where to start without any help.

A week after my arrival to France, my sister in law arrived with the kiddos from Senegal. She invited me to spend a week with her in Saint Malo, and so I packed a week worth of stuff and came. It was fun, I loved being with my niece and nephew and since she was in the middle of job searching as well, we tag teamed and did all the work together, which is exactly what I needed to jump start this process. Since all the paperwork got done here in Saint Malo, it just seemed like the job search process would be easier here as well. Plus I'd get to be with family. So I decided to stay :) I picked up my belongings from my friend's house two weeks ago, and here I am!! I do miss my friends in Paris though. womp womp.

I realized this is where God wanted me to be and I thank you all for the prayers because a few weeks ago, that was my biggest prayer request...to be where God wanted me to be.

After getting that prayer answered, of course instead of being content and praising God for answering this important question, I moved on to the next....why do you want me here??

I still don't know the answer to that (which is okay), but the Lord has opened doors for me and will continue to do so. Living here is still difficult but God promises me in Isaiah 43: 2-5 that He is right here with me.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall no be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. or I am the Lord your God the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

This is what I read yesterday that I found encouraging. (I'm going to bust out some Max Lucado, since you all I know how much I love him!)

"Make friends with whatever's next. Embrace it. Accept it. Don't resist it. Change is not only a part of life; change is a necessary part of God's strategy. To use us to change the world, he alters our assignments. Gideon: from farmer to general; Mary: from peasant girl to the mother of Christ; Paul: from local Rabbi to world evangelist. God transitioned Joseph from a baby brother to an Egyptian prince. He changed David from a shepherd to a king."

And Dorina: from film major to stewardess. haha. that sounds sort of ridiculous. I know this doesn't answer my question as to why I'm here, but it sure does reassure me and remind me that I don't necessarily need to know but simply to trust and embrace the experience as it comes.

Embrace your experience friends. The ride will be a far better one that way.

Thank you a million times for your prayers. Leave comments as to how I can better pray for you since it was after all, my secret new year's resolution :)

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:7

Blessings friends.

Oh here  are pictures of my future new job:

One of the three boats owned by the small 60 year old company

One of the British islands it travels to called Guernsey

The other island it travels to called Jersey

And the best part of this is that on my days off, I get to roam around these islands!! I cannot wait to take pictures of these places :)

Leap Day

In honor of Leap day, I shall blog today! I mean why not right?

Before the movie "Leap Year" had come out, I'd never heard of a leap year before (vulnerable enough to show you my ignorance).

Funny how a movie can give you so much insight right? Hmmm....Speaking of having insight, I honestly feel like I haven't learned anything new in a long time. I mean I've learned bits and pieces of information here and there over the past couple of months...or even years...but I don't feel as if I've truly challenged my mind to learn anything new and this frustrates me.
I guess I know a little bit more about photography than I did before. I've been reading blogs and researching about it since I've purchased my new camera, but I can't say that I've learned a whole lot about it yet.

Well today is leap day and I simply don't want to take it for granted. An extra day in the year that we get every 4 years!!! Woah!!! The next leap time we'll have a leap year will be in 2016!!!

Who knows where in the world I'll be at that time? Will I still be in France (I hope not!), or will I be back in the US reunited with my loves!?? Will I have a full time job or still be living this crazy unstable life of mine?

Think about it. Where do you want to be a few years from now?

I always tell myself there is no point in thinking that far in advance because we do not control our destiny/fate/God's will for our lives. In fact I think to many of us humans over think  the future and freak ourselves out for nothing. We spend so much time planning for what is ahead that we miss out on what's right before us.
But in some ways, it's good to think about the future. For one it helps us confront our fear of the future and face it head on. Secondly it gives us something to look forward to. I mean living day by day is great and all but there's nothing wrong with a little planning so you don't end up completely unprepared when life grabs you by the wrist and drags you along on this crazy roller coaster ride!

But then again, you can never plan enough so let go of your fears, and embrace today.

“Today is an ephemeral ghost...
A strange amazing day that comes only once every four years. For the rest of the time it does not "exist." 

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

"Joy is the direct result of having God's perspective on our daily lives and the effect of loving our Lord enough to obey His commands and trust His promises."

"I'm missing my past but attempting to focus on the present, so I can better my future." Quote by ME :)

Happy Leap Day Yo!!

God's Kindness/Severity

Bonjour :)

I should be job searching right now, but I've decided to take a one week vacation from that. This is the last day of my vacation, so I'm going to blog before I let another day go by without doing so.

I didn't really take a vacation, well let me explain. I'd unofficially-officially moved in with my sister in law and kiddos (love them!!) for a month while my brother was still in Senegal working on events/promoting his non profit organization Afreeca Chid (the website is in French, hope you can translate it if you don't speak French).

So while my brother was working in Senegal this past month, my sister in law and I have been going at it job wise. First of all you wouldn't IMAGINE all the paperwork I've had to do this past month to even begin the job searching process. It's been a long roller coaster ride. One in which the Lord has been extremely faithful. As always. He has blessed me with my sis-in-law, Aurelie, who's been a true servant by taking me anywhere and everywhere I needed to go for this whole process. I mean I have no words to express how much she's helped me!

I just got back from a week in Paris spent with dear friends and parents. I'm so blessed to have been able to spend some time with them. My parents are on their way to the US for a short very much needed sabbatical, so they decided to stop by here to see me for a few days.
My brother has also come back from Senegal a few days ago. It is my first time seeing him in 6 years (since his wedding), and my first time living with him in about 9 years. Prayers are welcome. :P haha

So now that we are back in Saint Malo, the job search resumes. Lord have mercy! OH I have an interview on tuesday the 21rst of February. PLEASE PRAYYYYY!!!!!

I'm attempting to find work in tourism, being a hostess/receptionist. I know... nothing to do with what I studied but the town I live in, Saint Malo, is very touristic because it's right on the coast that separates France and England; so as you can imagine, this type of job in this town would be perfect for me since I'm bilingual, friendly, good with people. etc...! Though I have all the capabilities of working in this field, I unfortunately have no experience whatsoever, which is what's blocking me right now.
And as for my true passions, photography/videography, I plan on either doing some freelancing and establishing myself in this beautiful town that doesn't have many photography/videographer artists, or I plan on exercising my skills while helping my brother with the promoting of his NPO, Afreeca Child.

As you can see, I'm not sure what I'm doing yet or why the Lord has brought me here. But that's okay. I was reading Romans this morning, and was oh so encouraged by it. Like the Lord was whispering sweet goods of hope into my ear and it went straight to my heart and warmed it up :)

You know I've had my many moments of frustration and "antsyness." When that happens, the Lord is probably pretty disappointed in me. In fact, I'm positive that he is but despite that he never fails to reassure me when I give Him a chance to speak or take the time to simply listen. (which I admit, through my stubborn personality isn't often!)

Romans 11: 22-24

In these passages, I am reminded of both God's sternness and his kindness. God is not one to be "messed" with. I think it's important for us to be reminded of that. God owes us NOTHING. We owe him EVERYTHING.
A lot of times we feel like the troubles that come our way are unfair. So often do I hear (and say) that life is SO unfair.
For example, I'd complain about being so far away from Jeremy and my friends and just say "Why is God allowing this, it's so unfair!!" (small example amongst many many other ones...I think you get the point)

Nonsense. Ridiculousness! Who am I to decide what is fair and what's not. Isn't God the author of all things and all times?? Isn't he the ultimate judge, and hasn't he always been? So being reminded of his sternness was in fact a great reminder. One that brings me to my knees and allows me to be humbled.
Nowadays, us Christians lack the fear of the Lord. We think we can do and say anything and always get away with it. How did we come to this? And what has made us believe that? *Think about it*

Of course, along with our Father's severity, comes his kindness for those of us who declare his son to be our Lord and Savior. In the midst of darkness/hard times/ disobedience we find grace/hope/joy.

These passages aren't threats, they are reminders/warnings. I love how God uses history/the past/what's happened to REMIND us of who HE is and who WE are/should be in/through HIM. It's simply logical. History repeats itself over and over again, and what better example to use than what's already happened.
Don't we do that as teachers/parents/students/brothers/sisters/friends to warn each other or give advice to the ones we care for.

Praise God for second chances. Can I hear a "AMEN"!? I mean let's be real, none of us would be here without second chances. We so often act like spoiled brats who take things for granted and yet this doesn't stop God from continuing to bless/provide/protect us from/with what we need to be vessels for his Kingdom.

Romans 11: 33-36

"Oh How great are God's riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways!
For who can know the Lord's thoughts?
Who knows enough to give him advice?
And who has given him so much that he needs to pay it back?
For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever. Amen!"

A prayer "Lord, thank you for humbling me. I don't want my days to end in futility. I want to be able to participate fully in what you're doing in my generation." (Beth Moore)


Pictures of where I live:
( I did not take these photos)

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FEEL FREE TO COME VISIT ME :D

Paris, c'est pour la vie!

So I was gonna blog today and then I got to tired and then I started emailing people and realized how relaxing it was to type (weird) so I decided to blog after all.

I had a blast today all by myself with my music, and camera walking around Paris today!

First things first, I strongly advise you women against wearing any type of heels, even if they are the shorter/comfortable kind, if you are going any place that you might possibly get lost in.

That being said, I can continue on. Alright so a couple days ago I clarified on facebook that I was not getting deported. A lot of people assume that since I had issues with the law and I'm leaving the country, it automatically means that I am getting deported.

Hmmm...that's not quite how it works. For those of you who have kept up with my journey, I'm assuming you know how my situation played out. For those of you that are little blurry on the details,  well basically, I didn't get deported, I was accorded "Voluntary Departure" which basically means that I was asked to leave but I can come back as long as I have a valid Visa.
When people are deported, they are usually taken to jail first, and then once they are "kicked" out of the country, they are never allowed back. In some cases, they can come back after a certain period of time. None of that happened to me by the grace of God.

All of this to say that when granted the Voluntary Departure, I was given a document that I had to bring to the US Embassy in Paris to show that I had indeed departed the U.S territory and arrived where I told the government I would arrive.
So this morning, I had to drag my booty out of bed at 5am in order to take the Metro/RER to Paris. There's usually a really long line in front of the Embassy for visa requests(so many people wanna go there :p) so it's always smart to get there even before it opens in order to get a spot.

One of the girls I live with works as an English teacher in Paris, so I was able to ride a metro with her half of the way and then I was on my own for the rest of the day. YIKES.
I got to the Embassy and was #4 line. Which you're probably thinking...Great job!!! That's amazing! Well that's what I thought until I was told that for the document I had, I needed to come back two hours later..... 0__o
I was super grateful though because the guards were extremely friendly towards me. Not in a creepy way. Just genuinely felt bad for me and were simply nice. It always helps to have a smile on your face. One smile can go a long ways!

So I figure...why not start my rediscovering (since it wasn't my first time there) Paris now, at 7:40am (between walking to the metro station, taking a metro, getting a connecting train, and actually finding the embassy...i got there 1h30 after originally leaving the Duplex I live in).
So I asked around and found a little French Boulangerie (pastry shop/Cafe) and my server was super comical and sweet towards me. Then I got a little laughter with him and a couple that walked in to get baguettes and espressos. It was just a good environment to be in. Cheerful. Jolly. Relaxing. Etc....

It was my first time ordering anything here in France in over 5 years. So I didn't know what to ask for. Didn't know whether to leave a tip or not. Didn't know anything really. Which is so hard for me, because a lot of times I wonder if people think I'm an idiot when I ask such obvious questions, since my French is  pretty good. Most people simply assume I've always lived here and just have a "weird" (American---no offense to Americans, since I still love your style) sense of style. Same with when I first moved to the US. I didn't have any type of accent yet everything was so foreign to me and I asked many questions or would break many unwritten rules that I didn't know about, and people just viewed me as a "socially off" human being. I'm not complaining about being bilingual, I'm just saying it's got its cons to.

Well if I've learned something today is that, sometimes you just NEED to put your pride aside and simply ASK. I have that typical male mentality (I doubt any males read my blog, but if you do, I apologize for stereotyping) that hates asking for help. In fact, for reading my blog, I will reward your patience (cus I blabber a lot) and let you in on a little secret of mine. I am actually pretty insecure when it comes to my intellect. I don't think I'm intellectually smart. There ya have it. It's true. I know I'm smart in other ways, but not in this one, but because I am fast learner (I also forget fast lol), I love to observe and decide I can figure things out on my own.
I think that is where this male prideful mentality stems from. My intellectual insecurities lead me to pride which leads me to stubbornness.

Anyways, I've learned today that even though observing does help me learn, sometimes simply asking  will just save the prideful like myself from a migraine.

So here I am at this little Cafe. Loving life.

This was before the couple arrived. They ended up sitting on that green leather seat in front of me :)

I ordered my first real croissant in Forever, and I got a Cappuccino. After asking him many questions such as "Do I pay you when I'm done or do I leave it on the table? Is this a Cafe or pastry shop. Do you even make coffee here? Can I get a coffee to go? Does this place have restrooms? Can I have some change for the metro..." and snapping a few more pictures, I was on my way back to the US Embassy.

Back at the embassy all my guard buddies were still there and we were joking around and all and finally they let me in earlier than I was originally supposed to. I ended up waiting about 1h30 to get the document deposited, signed, and ended up getting a copy for myself. It all worked out!

While waiting around, I observed a ton. I may have creeped some out. Oh well. Didn't retain much information though. Since I wasn't necessarily interacting with anyone for the most part and wasn't fully awake yet. The one piece of info I retained however, will hopefully have a great affect on me. I was wowed by how freakin' stylish Europeans are. I've known it, but witnessing it is a whole other story! I got really inspired today. Which is good because my roomies are beginning to question my style more and more :/ lol

So apparently we are back to the 70s which makes sense. Right? ....

Here are examples of things I saw today

                                                 

Here's a link to more style inspiration for the winter.

http://www.tendances-de-mode.com/2011/04/15/2124-tendances-automne-hiver-2011-2012




After the embassy stuff got taken care of, I decided since I was already in Paris, why not explore. So I cranked my Ipod while listening to "Good Life" by One Republic and just went wandering around, minding my own business, and smiling at strangers. :) while taking pictures of course. (the sun had just come out at this point.)

                  \

                                                        

At one point, My ipod's battery was low and I needed the directions to get back to the place I live...so I decided to take a picture of them in case my Ipod did die. which it eventually did about 1h later.

So all in all, quite a fun day. I can't really say I met any particular individual or had any crazy conversations or adventures, but after spending a few hours in Paris, I realized I wasn't the only one who was out of place. I guess one would expect that, especially around the Eiffel Tower with all the tourists that travel miles and miles to see this somewhat imposing and awkwardly shaped tower; but I soon found out that even the French  didn't know their way around a lot of times. I can't tell you the amount of times that French people were asking me questions.
At one point a girl around my age asked me questions on my way home while using the RER and I confidently told her which train to take after double checking the map. She was so grateful that she bought me a chocolate bar. As soon as she hopped on that train, something in me didn't feel right and I looked at the signs that were behind me and realized the train she took was going the complete opposite way of her destination. I felt HORRIBLE. I wished I'd taken her phone number and could text her, but I still don't have a phone. So all I could do was pray that she somehow realized it and got off before it was to late. At that point, I realized that I was just as lost as she was. It wasn't till 2h30 later that I finally got home.... hence the advice on the heeled shoes!
Even after FINALLY getting to my destination, I unfortunately arrived at a completely different exit and could not find my way home.
Luckily, my bad experience of getting locked into a cemetery yesterday evening (at sundown) paid off. I  was able to locate various reference points and taller landmarks that helped me find my way back.

Yea yesterday evening my curiosity took the best of me. I wandered into a graveyard to take pictures of French coffins and such, and ended up staying in there far to long because on my way out, the gate I'd entered into was locked and no one was around. The sun was setting and though I was trying really hard not to panic, I couldn't help but feel my heart beating faster and faster as I took each step. Finally I caught eye of what seemed to be a narrow passage leading towards a separate part of the gate that had by chance been unlocked. I did have to squeeze through a few caskets to get through. Just writing about it is giving me the chills. I got out of there so fast!!! It was ridiculous. Plus I didn't have a phone, so Lord knows what could've happened otherwise. I dodged a bullet.

Well at least I think some of the pictures were worth it. I hope.

This is actually the first cemetary pic
I took. I wasn't planning on going in, but I just could
not help myself.

I really am grateful for these, they were my landmarks
that brought me back home today!

                                    

      




And because I don't like ending my blogs on scary morbid notes.......Here are is a quick summary of things I learned today. lol.

• Do not be afraid to ask
• In order to find yourself, you need to get lost first
• Smile. Even when you don't want to. You don't know where that smile can take you
• Europeans' style rock/back in the 70s
• Be friendly to strangers because you might need one someday yourself
• Don't ever wear heels if you think you'll get lost
• Life in France is expensive

And here are a few more pictures from my day that I'd like to share. I do plan on posting a LOT more on my facebook photography page soon! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Djolife-Photography/114008375351893

Thank you for joining me on my journey :) Please continue to pray for guidance.

PS: I get to possibly meet my niece for the first time tomorrow and spend some quality time with my sister in law and kiddos! Eeek!!!! :D

New chapter of my life

Dear Faithful Readers :)


This blog post shall be my 2nd one of the new year 2012, even though it will be the first one you will probably read. Confused?

Well let me explain. I typed up a blog entry on Jan 7th, 2012 while sitting at the airport waiting for my plane to arrive. The content of that entry was much more depressing than this one will be, I promise. I haven't had the opportunity to upload it yet because being in a "foreign" country means having to adapt to a lot of new things. As I am attempting to adapt to this new culture, so are my all of my electronic devices. They each need adaptors and well I haven't had the chance to purchase adaptors to plug in my laptop/camera/externel hardrive etc..

Do you see what I did there? :) Alright, that was super lame, sorry.

Thankfully, the room I'm in has a computer with wifi so I am able to get on here as often as I want to until my laptop is up and running again! I also have a phone in my room that can call the US for free :D
Both of these things come in quite handy when my jet lag is messing around with my head and the 6 hour difference doesn't allow me to connect as well as i'd like to with my American world.

So far so good. I haven't cried since my departure (definitely did before though), so either I'm still in denial, or all of your prayers have been heard; in which case I thank you.

The actual trip was surprisingly smooth. Got there on time, going thorugh security was a breeze (even though I had no liquids in any zip lock bags and have all of this jewelry on me). The flight itself felt long because I was sitting in between two ladies and could not get comfortable (I took sleeping pills hoping they would help me overlook that but they did not). We landed on time. I met an American girl at the airport and we embarked on a journey to find our luggage which was successfull for both of us! Hoping to meet up with her sometime soon! The people picking me up found me right away (i didnt know who to expect). Got in the car and they drove me straight over to my new neighborhood, home, and life.

I got to Alfortville (10min away from Paris) around 9:40, said hello to my new family (The Peraste family), they invited me to go to church service with them, I said sure, changed real quick and headed out to worship the Lord in French!!!

Service was good. Very different than what I've become used to but also quite similar in different and comforting ways.
It felt good to sing old French worship songs that I grew up singing at home in Senegal. It was also nice to see a few lovely familiar faces that I recognized from the last time I'd been here. I was "forced" to stand up and introduce myself, which I hate doing lol. But it is good for me to do things out of my comfort zone.

Though I've heard better sermons, I was so pleased to hear the Holy Spirit speaking directly to me  throughout the entire service! From the announcements all the way to the final prayer.

The sermon itself was about friendships (real tangible solid neverending friendhsips) and how God doesn't solely view us as His children but also as His friend.
The teacher used the example of being engaged to describe how our relationship with God should be. When two people love each other and get engaged  to each other, they take that time of engagement to really get to know each other. They are so excited about their futur together that they want to spend every second with each other to create a solid foundation for their lives. They constantly talk to each other, and they simply love being in each other's presence.
This should be how our relationship with the Lord is. Yet it's so easy to let other things come in the way of this fire and passion that comes and goes in and out of our daily lives.

Along the lines of frienships and closeness, he talked about the importance of friends. How friends are blessed from above and it is important to not only pray for your friends but also pray for your actual friendships. You know you love someone, when you pray for them, but you also know how much of a value a friend is to you when you begin to ask the Lord to really protect and nourish that friendship. While God uses friendships to challenge us, bless us, ans help us grow, the ennemy tries to tear them appart to keep us from being blessed and growing and being challenged.

This spoke straight to me because I feel as if for some unknown reason the Lord has always blessed me with meaningful friendships. Granted some were only meant to be in my life for a season and accepting that has been quite difficult at times, but either way, no matter where and when, I've been blessed with friends. Everytime I move again, I fear of losing some of these meaningful relationships, but this reminds me that through the distance and the time, if I put an effort  to pray for these friendships, God will continue to bless me with them.
and that was a beautiful reminder.

Another reason this sermon hit home was that secretly, I had decided that my new year's resolution would be to spend more intentional time praying for others once I got here. I say secretly because, year after year I have failed at keeping new year's resolutions, so even though I did make one in my heart, I didn't feel the need to announce it this time around.

Well here I go announcing it again. Maybe God wants me to announce it. Maybe not. Either way it's out and I have even come up with a way to challenge myself with this resolution. I plan on writing down the names of people I want to intentionally pray for and put them in a bowl from which I will pick a name out each day and not only pray for that person but also find a way (facebook, twitter, email, text, phonecall) to contact that person and see how they are doing.

This whole challenge sounds easy to do right now since I am not doing a whole lot but I am sure once work picks up, it will really become a challenge, which I hope you can keep me accountable to..somehow.

Speaking of work, I am sure you are all wondering what the plan is from here on out. Glad you asked. I actually REALLY need prayers on this topic.

I have the opportunity to work as a full time live in nanny in Switzerland for a family that would need me to start in February yet I am currently and actively searching for work here in France. I like the family I live with, I am fairly close to Paris and I can easily meet people and have random conversations with strangers (which I loooove to do) because I speak French (which I would not be able to do as easily in Zurich, since they speak German.) (ps typing on this French keyboard requires a lot of focus and attention!!!).

Here is how I feel right now. I feel as if I want to stay in France in the hopes of finding a job (anything really, it's been so long since I have worked that I am ready to work just about anywhere). The dilemna here is that along with staying here comes more of a chance of making new friends, getting nice and comfy in a completely new environment, loving where I am and eventually having to let go of all of that again and basically go through everything I just went through in my life.
If I were to nanny in Zurich, I would most likely get attached to the family but probably not go out much and the departure would be much easier I feel.

See, the problem is I have no idea how long God wants me here or wherever I am supposed to be so please please pray for guidance and peace in this wholde dilemna going on in my mind. I just want to go where God wants me to be. really that is the bottomline.

I think I've said more than enough for today. Thanks for reading :) BLESSINGS!!!

Dorina

ps pics from my last month in the US coming soon

Airport bloggin'

I am sitting here at the airport basically feeling like crap. I’m exhausted. I’m scared. I’m sad. I’m kind of frustrated at God and sitting next to a guy who smells horrible. I know most of these feelings will pass, but as of now, that is exactly how I feel and I’m not ashamed to express it.

I just said so many goodbyes (for the second time this year) and just parted ways with my best friend/the love of my life, Jeremy, and I do not understand why this needed to happen.

I know God is compassionate and has a reason for having me go through while having my best interest in mind. I also know there is a reason for  bringing me in and out of Huntington like He did. I’m currently trying to cope with the fact that he is taking me away from this place that He’s used to shape and mold me through so many experiences and people. I’m also attempting to be optimistic.

I have found things to look forward to as I head to France. Things such as French bread. Meeting my niece and seeing my bro, sis in law, and nephew again. Rekindling the flames of old friendships. Using my new camera to take pictures of a refreshingly new environment. Growing closer to the Lord. Meeting new people and having an impact on their lives while they impact mine. "Relearning" French. Not living out of suitcase anymore. The possibility of working again at last. And so much more.

I understand that God has a gréât plan for this life He’s given me, I just wish I could get a break sometimes and just settle down somewhere  for longer than just a few months, but then again this is not how the Lord created me. I am trying to find equilibrium though. A simple balance between my selfish human nature and embracing the way the Lord is able to use this human mess of mine and turn it into something glorious and beautiful. I selfishly just want to be with the people I love and live an easy, fun life. But God wants me to continue to grow while challenging me through these journeys.

And yet again everything in life is all bout the way that you look at it. I say this because so many people "envy" me for moving to France, and as I try to appreciate this new adventure, I am also attempting to hold on to the hope of not losing the people that are currently in my life, that I cherish so much through the, distance.

Perspectives are so interesting to me.

I bought a new camera about 2 weeks ago. A camera I’ve been wanting for years. Of course I wait till I’m the most broke to purchase it, but I love it. So excited about it. I’m still Learning a lot from it and hopefully will get comfortable with it enough to take legit photo shoots.

I went on a walk the day that I finally got it in the mail to play around with it. As I was snapping photos left and right, I eventually felt extremely discouraged. I wasn’t patient enough with it, and wasn’t understanding some of the settings. It’s one thing to have that eye for an great shot, but it’s a whole other thing to be able to become one with your camera and know the Relationship between all the settings so well that you don’t even have to think twice before knowing exactly what to do in order to get your photo to turn out exactly the way you want it to, leaving you with minimum amount of editing left to do to later.

I was standing in front of a gorgeous scenery, and yet still wasn’t able to capture anything to my liking. I finally sat down and just took a break from it all. I talked to God for a little bit. He told me to Be still and know that He is God and that He was right there.  I listened to Him some more, and out of nowhere the sun came out and led me to look at my scenery again, from a different angle. I was sitting down this time, and there it was. I don’t know how to explain it, but I grabbed my camera as this rush of creativity hit me and started shooting and got this :

Be Still and Know that I am God
Psalm 46:10

All I had to do was sit down, and look at my scenery from a different perspective to catch what I needed/wanted.

Life is like looking through the lens of a camera, if you shift your angle view or perspective, you can see life in a completely different light.

I am trying to look at this adventure from a different angle. Not from the grumpy, sad, hopeless angle of my missing my friends and having to leave my comfortable lifestyle behind ; but instead looking at it from the angle of everyone else who seems so envious of my new journey in France, or wherever the Lord ends up taking me.

As of now, I do not have any plans in case you were all wondering. I am staying with family friends to start out and will look for work in Paris, while keeping an eye out for nannying opportunities in other countries.

As far as Jeremy is concerned, we are viewing this long distance as an opportunity to strenghthen our Relationship in a way that we can learn to better communicate with each other while continuing to learn from each other.

For those of you who know him, you know what a Bright light he is to whomever he comes in contact with. I pray and hope that this light continues to affect many more people in the midst of this sad chapter in our lives. I miss him so much already. We parted teary eyed and hopeful. Please keep us in your prayers.

May the Lord bless each and every one of you and I trust that you will have an excellent new year 2012 !

Blessings,

Do