Readers,
In French, I would say "Trop c'est Trop!" (literal translation would be: "too much is too much") basically meaning. ENOUGH!!
It's been to long :(
Honestly last week was one of the hardest weeks yet. For multiple reasons, all jampacked in one week, and for those of you who know me well, when things aren't going "my way" I usually retreat, become MIA (translation for mom: ca veut dire missing in action, je disparais quoi), and I keep to myself until I get out of my pity box or things get better.
So, I basically did to you my dear reader what I tend to do in real life to whoever is near me. I retreated, kept to myself, and decided not to write on this blog until I decided I could come out of my pity box, and when things got better.
For that, I apologize. But at the same time, the whole point of this blog as I said in one of my very first entries is to encourage you with my experiences on this journey, not to discourage you by pouring out my sad, pitiful, filled with sorrow life. (that was definitely and exageration). So when things are dark and the clouds consume me, I don't want to share the thunder, lightning, and let the rain pour out on you. I like to wait till the sun comes back out so I can share its light and joy with you all, if that makes any sense.
I decided I wouldn't go into details of various happenings of my last week, but I'm sure some of you were able to see my statuses and sort of kept up with my state of mind at the time. A lot of you in fact really truly encouraged me and prayed for me after seeing some of my statuses. Such statuses as:
"Oh Heavens...no phone for a couple of weeks. what am i going to do on the road now? :("
"I would scream at the top of my lungs right now BUT I am in a public place. crap."
"After a long day...all I want to do is get on the phone and talk to some peeps but I just realized I think I forgot my chargor in the motel we were at 2 nights ago. sad sad day."
"does anyone know where I could purchase a time traveler??"
"Dorina Oliveira is blaaaaaah"
Ok Ok you get the point. A lot of you read these and were absolutely encouraging and prayed for me and for that I am extremely thankful.
Well as far as my phone is concerned, I forgot my charger (which I found out the hard way was a very rare charger apparently) in a motel last week, and over the weekend was phoneless for 5 days. We went to my coworker's friends' house in Haviland over the weekend and it was just very hard for me to be there without a phone. I was extremely happy for her to be with familiar faces in a familiar place, but I couldn't help but envy it, and the lack of phone just made it all the harder to cope with it all.
Um another thing about last week is I found out once again that some people in my life aren't true friends and it was hurtful yet very necessary. The way I see it is as if I am taking garbage to a dumpster. I know this sounds kind of harsh, but so many times we sacrifice ourselves for people we care for, and when we don't get anything in return, we realize the truth of the matter and it's kind of refreshing in the midst of the pain to be able to come to terms with it and stop allowing these people to take from you without giving in return you know?
Well these are two small instances out of many ones that happened last week. I got to a point where you hit a wall and know you can get over it, but you just don't have the strength or desire to climb it. It was hard. I was discouraged. Tired. Overwhelmed. Lonely. Ready to quit.
The beauty of it is that God did not give me (or any of us) the spirit of a quitter or a failure. No matter how hard we try, we will fail, but we just get up and get back on track.
SO the journey resumes.
In fact I just read in Max Lucado and he reminds us that God never lets us fall. That wall that I faced and was to tired to climb, well God gave me a harness (the Holy Spirit), a rope (His word), and a guide (Himself).
"My first steps on this journey were strong and confident, but with the journey came weariness, and with the height came fear. I lost my footing. I lost my focus. I lost my grip, and I fell. For a moment, which seemed like forever, I tumbled wildly. Out of self-control. Disoriented. Dislodged. Falling. But then the rope tightened, and the tumbling ceased. I hung in the harness and found it to be strong. I grasped the rope, and found it to be true. I looked at my guide and found Jesus securing my soul. With a sheepish confession I smiled at him and he smiled at me and the journey resumed."
Max Lucado
Yes the journey resumes. I'm back. And what do I do at the end of my journey? I thank Him who allowed me not to fall and helped me back up.
After getting back on the journey, I felt refreshed and actually tuesday morning, I woke up excited. It was our first time since friday to present a show in a school again. We had three showings in two schools. I woke up pumped. I prayed that morning asking God to allow Tiff and I to use every ounce of strenght and energy to do the best we could in order to impact kids. I wanted to be used by God. It was the cry of my heart that morning.
After a couple very frustrating set ups, I felt annoyed, and once again forgot why I was doing this. It's so easy to lose track of our purpose when we take our eyes off a Jesus. But when our heart is in the right place, God is quick to put our eyes right back where they need to be looking.
That afternoon, after all of our shows were done, we had to rush our tear down in order to let the volleyball coach set up the net on the gym.
In the midst of my rushing and telling kids what to do while attempting to be productive myself, a highschool girl comes up to me and says. "I am sorry to bother you, I know you are busy with tearing down and all but I just wanted to talk to you for a few seconds." Right that moment, I dropped whatever I was doing and gave her my full attention while smiling and saying "Not a problem at all! What's up?"
She then opened up by talking about how she has been diagnosed with cancer and has had a really hard time at school because not only does she get teased now, but the friends she once had now treat her like a "dead fish" and because of all of this she had decided to transfer from this school into a private school in december. The only problem with that is the fact that the private school wouldn't provide her with as good of an education as the one she was currently at. However, after watching the video, she felt motivated to stick it out, tough it up, and stay in this school because her education right now matters more than the way people treat her or whatever anyone thinks about her.
"Oh My God." was all I could think of. Praise you God. Thank you Lord. Halleluijah!
I thanked her for sharing, asked for her name, and told her I'd keep her in mind and pray for her. I just wanted to hug her, but that would've been inappropriate.
I was filled with SO much joy after that. I don't think Carlie realized how much she had impacted me and encouraged me by sharing that with me. I was so thankful to God for using Tiff and I to impact Carlie. So grateful.
If you guys could keep Carlie in your prayers as well, that'd be great.
I guess afterwards I was so happy that when we got gas on our way back to our motel, I went into the gas station to get our receipt, and the old man at the registar said "Well aren't you happy and cheery today??" I smiled and said "Oh, I guess...:)" and he said "Well you sure like it and it's definitely good to see!"
I guess I was so exuberant that a stranger not only noticed it but had to say something about it. I hadn't even realized.
Kids like Carlie, are the reason I do this job. The reason I put up with so much stuff. It makes it ALL worth it.
Thank you Lord for gently lifting my head head so I could set my eyes back on you, right when I was started to lose track again.
I don't know how many kids we impact, and just because we sometimes receive blank stares at the end of a show doesn't mean they didn't get something out of it. If kids don't come up to us at the end and tell us how the movie impacted us, it doesn't mean God didn't do great things in that school on that day.
I need to trust that if I give my all, God does the rest.
So I somewhat caught you up on most of the happenings of the past week and half.
We are currently in Texas (curently in George Bush' home town to be more precise), in which we will be until the end of the tour. Our boss is already thinking about next semester and where he is putting who and who is going to work with who. So if you could keep him in your prayers, it's a very intense part of the job. Very stressful, many decisions to be made and a lot of thinking and organizing in order to shift things smoothly.
I'm excited (in fact kind of impatient :/ ) to know where I'll be and who I'll work with next semester. Oh the suspense. It's aaaallll in God's hands, which I need to keep reminding myself!
By the way, I forgot to update you about the fact that I AM GOING TO INDIANA/ILLINOIS FOR THANKSGIVING. WOOHOOOOO!!!!!! I am so excited to go back to my church, see my most of my friends, and SEE MY PARENTS!! GOD IS GREAT!!
Thank you for your faithful prayers, He heard them :)
And another update was that two weekends ago, I was able to to stay in Nixa, MO which is where Tiffany and I had stayed at the beginning of the month of October. It was an amazing feeling to have all the deks workers and cleaning ladies remember me and and get so excited to see me. I hung out and talked with them quite a bit. They were like "don't leave!!!" haha.
I was also able to meet up with a former soccer teammate of mine from back when I played in college. We had great conversations and laughter over some yummy pizza. It was quite a good weekend!
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| Brenda and I in Nixa, MO |
Everything else went downhill from there haha. But I'm good to go now. :)
Be blessed and don't take your eyes off our guide who knows you by name is holding on to your rope and won't let you fall. not for a second.
much love,
DjO
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