Happy Halloween....for what it's worth....
Wow, I've only blogged like 7 times this month? hmm...slacker.
sorry...
Well, I am sitting at a starbucks sipping on a pumpkin spice latte listening to the Joshua Radin pandora music station and just soaking life in.
We've had a pretty intense week. Actually, not really. But in comparison to our previous weeks, it was.
We had more shows, and on friday we had a double school show, which requires us to set up and tear down twice in a day. At the end of our last show on friday, I proceeded to load the entire van by myself while Tiffany was repairing one of our fabrics. So I loaded the whole van, minus the box of frames she was working on.
Let me tell you that that was a workout!! I was so exhausted and sore afterwards! Gosh. But it was my fault. I could've just been patient and waited for her to finish repairing the fabric so she could help me, but I didn't.
Needless to say, I am still exhausted. Not much sleep this past week, and a lot of driving/setting up/tearing down. Tiffany even called me out on not being enthusiastic enough yesterday while I was doing one of my conclusions. I needed that.
Thankfully, we ended our show with an elementary school, which are my favorites. The only downfall is that they gave us 5th graders to help us set up, which was more tirering than helpful. They still made me laugh quite a bit though, minus the time a kid ran into one of our projector tables after I'd spent some time lining that projector up with our center projector.
Anyways, I am blabbering. I'm kind of just typing without even thinking about the words flowing through my fingers. I apologize for that, and will attempt to focus now.
So, lately I've been tired, distant, and just thinking a lot about nothing. My mind's been quite blank and I don't know why. I'm not sure whether it's the fatigue, or the fact that this job is draining, or the fact that I haven't spent time in the Word in a couple days. WHo knows.
Well my blogging just got interrupted by a three way skype with my sister and a really good friend. Filled with joy and laughter. I had to share :)
ANyways, as I told you, I've been kind of blank/numb/almost no ability to show any emotion. Joy, anger, sadness, enthusiasm, and that's very unlike me. So one of my favorite things to do when I feel this way is to go back to my journals for this specific reason:
(from my journal of 3 years ago, I was feeling much like I am "feeling" right now and decided to go to a coffee shop with my books, Bible, and journal much like I am doing now and here is what I wrote)
"When I am feeling like this, of course out of all of these books the one to go to is the Bible if I am seeking answers. Well, I forgot to mention a fourth book, it is usually the closest thing to you that you soon find to ignore.The book I have written myself. It's a book of 200 pages or more, the book of lessons, experiences, joy, sadness, and hardship. A book that God's used for me to pour out my heart but also to revive my spirits. A book of life, my life. It's my book. it has my name on it and it is filled with wisdom that the Holy Spirit Himself poured out on my heart nd allowed me to write. As I read past stories of the journal I am currently writing in, I received answers beyond answers. I am not saying that my journal is more important than the Bible or any ohter scholarly written book, but I've just realized that this journal is not only filled with scripture from the most important book written in the world, but also personal insight from my own thoughts and life experiences and even better; It contains the Holy Spirit's direct words to ME. It's a story of my friendship and relationship with Christ and so much H'es tuaght me and allowed me to jot down so that during difficult times like now, I can go back to these and be reminded that for 1. I've fone through this before and made it and 2. I can read the same words of encouraement I was given in the past to help me through it. This journal is so precious to me. At the end end of it, all I have is God. All of the people in this journal will someday pass, but God is constant and everlasting, neverending and neverchanging and in the end end He's always there through the good th ebad, the tough and the sad. HE IS.
So all of these questions I have, they are right here and so are the answers. I don't need to go searching any farther than that. I find joy in what I've written because it's woken me up, and I feel enlightened."
So alll of this to say, on top of praying and reading the word, one of my favorite things to do when I'm feeling down or confused, is reading through past journals because they really encourage me.
And also all of this to say that I read this before typing things out and it reminded me of something crucial. (2 year old journal):
"Isaiah 58: 7-9
Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter, when you see the naked, to clothe him ad not to turn away from your flesh and blood.
Then your light will break forth like the dawn and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of God will be your rear guard. Then you will call and the Lord will answer. You will cry for help, and He will say: Here I am."
I get it now, it's not about me. Lately I've been living a life of my own desires but He is reinding me that His ways are higher and this right here is what my selfish ways lead me towards and if I follow His ways, He has something much better planned for me. I must remember that it's not about me but it's about Him and others. It's about treating my family right, realizing that many have way more issues than I do and I sould be thankful before complaining or whining about anything because I have so many things to be grateful for. "
So there. A good reminder for me. and hopefully a good one for you as well. We all go through crap, but it's important to step outside of our box and think about what others might be going through before making a big deal about our issues.
Like I said, I have nothing to complain about, so I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Only God knows.
I know this wasn't anything new or that you've never heard before, but hopefully it was a good and necessary reminder. It was one for myself, that's for sure.
That's all I got for ya. Keep me in your prayers and please facebook me of comment on my blog and give me some prayer requests of your own.
Love,
D
PS: that's a pic I just took of myself . just felt like it randomly...I look tired. :)
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